-
Ask-A-Slut
October 2010


It’s October again! The month filled with Witches, Goblins, Trolls, and the Walking Dead! And that’s just what you’ll see at the bars on a normal weekend! For a truly great time join us for “Spooktacular Bingo” Friday, October 8 at Hamburger Mary’s Club M. In the meantime, enjoy this month’s “Ask a Slut!” If you dare!
 
Dear Cycle Sluts, My boyfriend and I moved in together but he has a picture of him and his ex displayed in the bedroom. I've asked him put it away but he says he looks good in the picture and that's why he keeps it out. What do you think?
Signed, "Ghosts in the Bedroom"
 
Sharon MaGoodies: Whatever. Hasn't he heard of Photoshop?  
Marion McKuzins: I think you should display the pic of you and me taken at the Republican Convention a couple of years ago. I thought you looked HOT in that one. However, the nipple-clamps and anal-beads could be a bit distracting. 
Diane Tolickya: You need to cut your boyfriend's picture out, put it on a picture of a donkey, re-frame it, then tell him you love it too!
Zoey Diddim: Put up that photo of you and that hot porn star naked at the bath house. I bet he gets the message. And maybe you get a three way in the deal.
Sassy Squatch: Just start your own Ex photo gallery in the bedroom and see how he likes it! Doesn’t the Bible say “a guy for a guy?”
Sue Nami: Is that the picture where we’re at the Park? You’re right; he does look good in that one. If it's the one when we toured all the bath houses, maybe he keeps it as a trophy. He took it like a champ!
Molotovia Cocktail: I say you have a very vain boyfriend. Get out the digital, take some cheesecake photos of you in the buff and replace the offending pic. If he still wants to keep the pic, tell him he can have sex with it and then get out.
Winnie Bego: Maybe, while he is at work, take the pic and cut out the ex. But I'm guessing he doesn't have a job, hence the move in with you.
 
Dear Cycle Sluts, My partner and I can hardly sleep together anymore. He's so warm blooded that he has to have the house super cold or he's miserable, and I feel like I'm freezing to death all the time! Do you Girls have any suggestions to save our marriage? Signed, "Fire & Ice"
 
Zoey: I heard about these electric butt plugs that can keep you toasty warm where it really counts. I think I still have the catalog if you want to stop by for a warm cup of Zoey.
Sassy: If you need your side of the bed to be warmed up, that’s what dogs and houseboys are for! If you’re lucky, you can get a houseboy that likes to be treated like a dog! Win-win situation!
Winnie: The Winnie Bego is always nice and toasty!
Diane: Push his ass off the bed and act like you're completely asleep. If that doesn't work then don't pay the electricity bill.
Sue: Maybe I am missing the obvious here, but there have been some recent innovations in the blanket dept. I’d suggest you check it out.
Marion: Maybe you should cut your losses now and end the relationship. You'll be warmer (and presumably happier) AND there’ll be one less whiner in the world! OR... get a Snuggie!
Sharon: Twin Beds... like Lucy and Ricky. I still can't figure out how she got prego! Ricky must have a long penis.
Molotovia: My house is the same way. "You're too hot move over, get away." If he is worth it get some footie PJ's with the drop seat. That way your toes are warm, and he has easy access.
 
Dear Cycle Sluts, Can you please help me? My last boyfriend has turned into a "Psycho Stalker!" I broke up with him because he cheated on me, and now he texts and calls all the time and shows up at my house in the middle of the night! Signed, "Fatal Attraction"
 
Winnie: OMG! Why won’t you love me anymore? I gave you the best week of my life!
Marion: Well, what am I supposed to do? You won't answer my calls. You change your number. I mean...I'm not gonna be ignored…Dan!
Zoey: You broke up with him because he cheated once? Well, aren’t you the prissy one! Throw the guy a boner and take him back. He may have learned a new trick on his travels to share. 
Sharon: From what I hear, he's just trying to get that jacket and money back that you borrowed from him!
Diane: I've told Sue Nami to stop, but she can't let go. P.S…She told me to tell you to walk the dog and pick up your dry cleaning.
Sue: What the hell do I have to do? Boil a bunny? I told you the night that we met, we would be together forever. Oh by the way, I don't like the new curtains. I can’t see anything.
Sassy: Welcome to the wonderful world of dating gone wild! I have two words for you: RESTRAINING ORDER! Use them well!
Molotovia: I can loan you my cute little Glock. It fits neatly into any purse and the silencer is a pretty silver color. Very Outré'.
 
Dear Cycle Sluts, I went on a date with a guy I met, and we just didn't click. Nothing happened! Now I find out that he's telling everyone at the bars that I was a terrible screw! How do I repair my reputation? Signed, "Damaged Goods"
 
Marion:In order to repair your reputation, you’re going to have to screw everyone and show them you are not a terrible roll in the hay. Of course, you’re then going to have a completely different reputation. But it's not all that bad. Just ask Zoey!
Zoey: I have no idea what to say. This has never happened to me. My reputation is that I am great in the sack. I should know. I’m the one writing it on the bathroom walls.
Diane: Plain and simple; find a guy that looks similar to him, make a sex tape, take photos, and share the "evidence" with your bar mates.
Sue: Sassy can be a bitch like that. The best way to save your reputation is to sleep with everyone he’s told so that way they know you are a dynamite lay.
Molotovia: Fess up to all of those people and tell them it is true, you couldn’t full-FILL him. You can only swing your hot dog down a hallway so long before the 2x4 (tied to your ass so you don't fall in) starts to rub you the wrong way.
Sharon: You should probably move to another state and hope that no one knows you there!
Sassy: Tell the truth Sweetie! Tell them you never even touched him because when you saw the pus filled sores it put you off your game!
Winnie: Maybe a weekend getaway in the Winnie Bego! I don't screw and tell!
 
Dear Cycle Sluts, I tricked with a guy last week and things started to get really hot and heavy. Then he took out his teeth! What should I have done? Signed, "Jaw Dropper"
 
Diane: Just exactly how much were you paying for those senior services? Next time try West Colfax instead!
Sue: Hummer is not just an SUV darling. I would suggest enjoying the ride. Think about kittens. Maybe he will put them back in before he wants to make out.
Zoey: Who cares about the front? Bend him over the couch and F-BOMB his ass until day light, then get him to make you breakfast.
Something soft like oatmeal!
Winnie: Oh honey! Nothing better than a gummer! By the way, Zoey, didn't you know he was THAT old before you took him home?
Marion: You should have finished your business, Chicken! I can give an excellent knob job, but can't kneel real well without my walker.
Sassy: Poodle,you never ask if they have teeth at the glory holes, so why start now? If you don’t like the way it looks use a blindfold!
Molotovia: You should have thanked him, spanked him, and invited him to dinner.
Sharon: Sounds perfect to me. I'm always smacking tricks in the back of the head telling them no teeth. Can I have his number?
 
We hope we’ve been informative and entertaining, but that’s all we have time for. Check us out in the next Gayzette and keep those questions coming to: askaslut@gmail.com
 

Website Builder provided by  Vistaprint