-

Ask-A-Slut
June 2010

Hey all you Gay Gals and Guys! I know we’re all “Loud and Proud” year round, but June is when we get to shout it to the world! To start Pride month off right we’ve cooked up an extra special edition of “Ask a Slut”! We hope it’ll tickle your rainbow colored funny bones! For more Fest-ive fun join us for “Circus Bingo” Friday June 11th at Hamburger Mary’s, Club M. Doors open at 7pm and Balls drop at 9pm! And don’t forget our “Slut Search Show” Cumming Saturday July 24th.
 
Dear Cycle Sluts,
I really don't like the design of the old fashioned "personal massagers", but some of the new designs are really creepy and weird! What's the best kind to get in your opinion?
Signed: "Rub me the right way!"
 
Zoey Diddim: Why do you care about the color or how it looks? The best kind is the one you can fit up your love tube.
Sharon MaGoodies: Serious!  Check out the personals in any paper.  Most of those folks are OLD personal massagers that are using a picture from like 20 years ago.  Personally I hit up rentboy.com for my personal massager.
Winnie Bego: Oh girl! I love my personal vibrator or what I have dubbed as "ole reliable". It’s an old two-stroke lawn mower that I converted over. 
Marion McKuzins: Do I look like the Dildo-Whisperer to you?!? I only have one "personal massager"...a Schlitz beer can hooked up to the battery on my trailer. It's an old design, but I tend to stick with the tried-and-true.
Sassy Squatch: Oh Girl! I know what you mean! I saw one once that had this cute little Dolphin that stuck up and out of the side of it but every time I tried to use the thing that damn fish would wiggle up my left nostril!
Molotovia Cocktail: My personal massager is truly old fashioned. His name is Günter and he always rubs me "the right way". Besides I don't like the new jelly colors either. If I want jelly I'll have it on my toast not in my hoo-haw!
 
Dear Cycle Sluts,
I was circumcised as a baby so I don't ever remember having foreskin, but I've always felt that something was missing! Foreskin replacement surgery is so expensive! Is there a cheaper way to do it?
Signed: "Turtleneck Envy"
 
Molotovia: Tie a brick onto the end of your tally whacker and dance around the apartment.
Marion: Did you ever secretly open your Christmas presents when you were a kid, and then re-wrap them before you got caught? A package never really looks the same, once it's been re-wrapped. Just something to think about, my dear.
Zoey: Find an uncut guy and get into "docking". It feels the same without the surgery.
Sharon: Go buy yourself some bologna and duct tape!  Works like a charm.
Sassy: You should give Zoey a call! I hear her rates are reasonable and she can suck the skin right off a banana! Be sure to only make a couple of appointments though or you'll have to tie a knot in that meat curtain to keep it from dragging the ground!
Winnie: Honey! Cheaper isn’t always better. Ask Zoey, she's as cheap as they come.


Dear Cycle Sluts,
My favorite band is the Scissor sisters but someone just told me the name refers to a gay sex act! I've never heard of it before. Can you enlighten me?
Signed: "Rock Out With My Cock Out?"
 
Sharon: I didn't even know it was a band.  I thought it was some kind of scrapbooking club.
Marion:All I know is it's not best to play with scissors. You can get a nasty gash that way. 
Zoey: I think it has something to do with getting your pubes-cut into a stylish new 'doo.
Winnie: Hmmmm! Let me go and look through my notes..................Nope, I got nothin' on this one. 
Molotovia: There ain’t a sex act that includes scissors in my bag of goodies. And please don't run with those. It's always fun till someone cums in your eye.
Sassy: You probably haven't heard of it cause you're not a Lezzy! How about Box Bumping or Snail Trailing? Do either of these terms conjure up any mental images for you?
 
Dear Cycle Sluts,
My new roommate has a big dog he calls a Kentucky leg hound. Last night while I was asleep, dreaming about having sex, I woke up with the damn dog humping on me! I'm so embarrassed! What should I do?
Signed: "Milk Boned!"
 
Winnie: I'd say enjoy it while you can get it. Obviously, you don’t have boyfriend to hump your leg!
Zoey:  I don't have a clue but I know Winnie has picked up a stray or two at the RV Park. Ask her.
Sharon: nothing like a good hound humping.  My favorite thing to do is get a little peanut butter and lather up my nether regions and let the pooch go to town.  I find that I like chunky the best cause pooch gets his teeth all up in there!
Molotovia: I guess you can now say you have slept with some real dogs! Haven't we all?
Sassy: Poodle, unless you can get Bowser to wear protection I think you should sleep with your door shut! Those puppies might be a little hard to find homes for! 
Marion: That's not embarrassing, dear. I once dreamed I was making passionate love to the tightest little piece of ass around. When I woke up, I realized I was completely alone. Well, except for Pedro...my toy Chihuahua. That dog will never be the same.
 
Dear Cycle Sluts,
My Boyfriend sometimes gets too rough during sex! When he jacks me off he squeezes so hard it hurts! I don't want to hurt his feelings. How should I tell him?
Signed: "Sore Subject"
 
Zoey: Why worry about hurt feelings when you have a hurt dick? Tell him to loosen the death grip or you get to be the top.
Marion:No need to say anything at all. Next time it happens, offer to give his flesh flute a little blow. And use your teeth to get your point across. 
Molotovia: While Miss Molly likes to be the Milk Maid there is a fine line between pulling the pud and choking an anaconda. Next time he grabs with too much vigor grab his nads and give a squeeze, I can assure you he will let the little guy breathe.
Sharon: While you are taking him from behind, give him a good old donkey punch and in a couple days when he wakes up, tell him to be a little more gentle with Mr. happy unless he wants to find out what a screamy memmie is all about.
Winnie: Tell him if he breaks it, he buys it! 
Sassy: Oh! Oh! Oh! This one reminds me of a joke! Do you know what the difference is between the colors Red and Purple? It's the strength of your grip! Get it? If you squeeze too tight it turns purple! Well……..I thought it was funny!
 
We hope we’ve been informative and entertaining, but that’s all we have time for.  Check us out in the next Gayzette and submit your questions to askaslut@gmail.comYou can also check us out on our website at www.denvercyclesluts.net.

Website Builder provided by  Vistaprint