God the Holidays are done! It’s time to settle into 2010!
the New Year right with the latest edition of “Ask a Slut” and remember to join
us for “Showgirl Bingo” on Friday January 8 at Hamburger Mary’s!
Balls drop at 8PM!
Dear Cycle Sluts,
A friend of mine just moved to Denver and is really
getting into being the "New meat in Town". The problem is he's
attracting some real Slime-Balls, and he doesn't listen to me when I try to
warn him! Should I even bother trying to look out for him?
Signed: "Been There, Done That, Still Regret
Sharon MaGoodies: So, what I'm
reading in to this is that you're a jealous bitch because he's getting banged
by some hottie that turned you down!
Marion McKuzins: Don't worry
about it, Darlin. He's like a pair of Manola Blahniks at a drag show. Everyone
will want to try them on, but sooner or later they'll stink and be all
stretched out. He'll be discarded like yesterday's trick.
Zoey Diddim: How sweet
that you want to help him but I bet that as soon as the welcome wagon
delivers a few STDs he will learn to put his toys away.
Sassy Squatch:It's great
that you're looking out for your friend and all, but when dick is involved they
never listen! Remember when you were the new flavor of meatcicle in town? You
didn't listen either! That's how you found out these guys are really just
Molotovia Cocktail: Dear BTDT, Obviously
you've already had all of these slime balls or you wouldn't know how slimy they
are. Sounds like somebody is jealous. Let him have his fun Sooner or later his
pucker will be a hallway from all those hot dogs and someone newer and tighter
will come along. He’ll be hamburger just like you!
Winnie Bego: You should
send him off for a weekend getaway in the Winnie Bego, then he wouldn’t be the
"New Meat in Town". Btw, how old is he? Hehehehhehehe.
Dear Cycle Sluts,
Over the Holidays I made a big mistake! At my company
Christmas party I had a little too much to drink and ended up blowing a
coworker in the men’s room. Now he's always hanging around my cubical like he
expects it to happen again or something! How should I handle this before it
goes too far?
Signed: "Loose Lips Make Slips"
Zoey: What's the
harm in a little lunch time protein shake if you both enjoyed it? Just make
sure he doesn't expect it every day or his wife might get suspicious.
Sassy: “Before it goes too far”? I think that ship has already
sailed, and minus some SEAMENI
think! It's time to SWALLOW your pride! Things should BLOWover in a few weeks! It's not like you
put your finger up his ass when you blew him, or did you?
Winnie: You gay
bois sure can’t contain yourself when there is cock and alcohol around. I
say you get what you deserve. Maybe at the next party you should drink some
Marion: The only
reason I'm hanging around your cubicle, Loose Lips, is because I forgot to
mention the herpes and syphilis I gave you for Christmas. Enjoy your New Year,
you rude little whore.
Sharon:Oh, its ok gurl! One time at a holiday party
I got up on the copier to copy my butt but totally forgot
to do some landscaping down there and the photocopy turned out looking like I
was sitting on a buckwheat chiapet. Then some bitch took that copy and
plastered it all over the office and internet. When you think about it,
what's one more blowjob? Just get some DNA on ya this time in case he
Molotovia:Why don’t you ask him to come meet your
parents! He will run faster than you can say "Not in my hair".
Dear Cycle Sluts,
My boyfriend spent the Holidays with his family out of
town so I kind of pretended I was single while he was gone. Unfortunately, one
of my tricks gave me a gift that keeps on giving, if you catch my drift! I'm
scared that my boyfriend will figure out what happened or worse that he will
catch the little crawlers! How do I keep my exploits and my crabs a secret from
Signed: "Re-Gifting is a Bitch"
Marion:I'm not sure how you get RID of a problem such as
this. Maybe you should contact my sister, Zoey. She's a great adoptive mother
and raises those little critters just beautifully!
Sharon:Lord Bitch, take a fucking shower! How
you still have the creepy crawlies is beyond me, since the holidays were weeks
Winnie: Hmmmm, I
think this is best suited for Zoey to answer since she is the Queen of Crabs.
Zoey, you get this one. And on a side note, you're BF wasn’t with family. He
was spending a much needed vacation in the Winnie Bego!
Zoey: The morning
after a hot sex session with the BF tell him you think he gave you the little
darlings and let him do the explaining. I bet he comes clean about being dirty
out of town.
the sheets in HOT water, shave everything BALD and say you are going for the
twelve year old boy look.
Sassy: Be creative
Pumpkin! Tell him you sat down instead of hovering when you took a dump at one
of your friend’s houses! Use the name of the trampyest friend you have! That
one always works for me because everybody knows about Zoey and her hygiene
Dear Cycle Sluts,
I've heard and read about simultaneous orgasms with a
sex partner being very powerful and satisfying. Whenever I have sex someone
always shoots first! How can I time it better so we pop at the same time?
Signed: “Hit me with your best shot”
Winnie: Just say,
“Hey dumbass wait till I shoot first this time"
Marion: Sorry, poodle...can't help you with this one. I
never have this problem. If they shoot first, I take the next in
line. If I shoot first, I do like any man...and roll over and go to
Zoey: While you
are getting plugged take care of yourself. At this point in life you
should know how to hold off for just the right moment.
Sharon: Well, usually I'm just trying to pop
off so I can get the hell outta there before their wife shows up.
If there are six or seven of you involved the odds are more in your favor!
before you are going to pop think of your mom naked or something equally as
foul. If he can't hold off just keep pumping him till he’s ready for his second
cumming and let the fireworks begin.
We hope we’ve been
informative and entertaining, but that’s all we have time for. Check us out in the next issue of The
Gayzette and keep those questions coming to: www.DenverCycleSluts.org/AskASlut