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Ask-A-Slut

FEBRUARY 2010

It’s February, the month of “Love”, Mardi Gras, Fat Tuesday and Lent! Funny how that works, somebody must have thought folks were having too much fun! To keep the fun happening here’s this month’s “Ask a Slut” and come join us at Hamburger Mary’s Club M for “Slave to Love Bingo” Friday the 12 at 9PM.
 
Dear Cycle Sluts, My boyfriend has been giving me excuses recently as to why I can't come over. I found out from his roommate that every time my guy has told me I can't come by it's because he's bumping uglies with his Ex! I was about to pay his rent for him! What do you think I should do?
Signed, "Used and Confused"
 
Sharon MaGoodies: Dump him girl. Let me tell you, first it's paying rent and next thing you know you're bailing them out of jail and supporting his crack habit and it ain't the good kinda crack if you know what I mean. 
Marion McKuzins: I think you should find yourself a little sumpin'-sumpin' on the side. And quit paying his rent. A whore should put out. No cash, no cunt!
Zoey Diddim: Use the money you would have spent on his rent to buy a more attentive playmate. My rates are reasonable.
Sassy Squatch: First thing, put away the checkbook! If he wants to screw his ex, let the ex pay his rent! Fair is fair!
Molotovia Cocktail: You've paid enough. He's isn’t your boyfriend, he’s a trick pure and simple. Kick him to the curb and look for “Mr. Right Now”, you'll find “Mr. Right” soon. 
Winnie Bego: I'll let ya pay for a month of the Winnie Bego!  I need some new shocks!


Dear Cycle Sluts, My boyfriend and I made plans to meet for breakfast last week. At the last minute he called and asked if he could bring a friend. It turns out the "Friend" was his trick from the night before! While my boyfriend was in the bathroom the Trick hit on me and we met later for a "Revenge Fuck"! Now I feel guilty. Should I?
Signed, "What's Good For The Goose...?"
 
Zoey: Now you can tell your boyfriend about what happened and the two of you can pick up a third to share.
Sassy: Sounds like the best thing you got out of that boyfriend was the “Revenge Fuck” and breakfast! Lose the Loser!
Winnie: OH MY! You gay bois sure will bump uglies with anything these days. 
Marion: Don't feel guilty, Sweetie. You're the better fuck.
Sharon:  Ha!!  If I had a dollar every time a queen asked me this question, well, I'd have a dollar. You should feel guilty you whorish piece of trash.  The proper way to handle this situation is to have a three way!!  You fail!   
Molotovia: Next time take them both on and then move on. Trying to juggle the boys can drive a person crazy ( I should know, but I am a professional so do not try this at home)!
 
Dear Cycle Sluts, I've recently been going out with a guy that only calls me when he needs money. I pay whenever we go out. I even buy him groceries when he says he is out of food. I get sex out of the deal, but it seems to cost more all the time! I think I’m developing feelings for him! Should I end it?
Signed, "Sugar Daddy Dilemma"

Sassy: What’s it cost you to get your Willy Waxed now? I’m sure I can give you a better rate, and I only raise my prices once a year for cost of living increases! Call Me!
Marion:Well, Daddy Warbucks, you should probably hire a plumber to pull your self-esteem out of the toilet, and a proctologist to yank your head out of your ass!  It ALWAYS costs more and more. Just ask Tiger Woods.
Sharon: Well, let me just say it again, first starts out by paying for drinks, then groceries, next thing you know you’re bailing them out of jail, Oh hell, just read question one!  I don't feel like typing that all out again.
Zoey: My question is, are you willing to share him? After all, you are his Sugar Daddy and he is a hustler. 
Winnie: HMMMMMM, I sure could use a sugar daddy! But NO free weekends in the Winnie Bego! You gotta pay to ride this ride. 
Molotovia:  DUMP HIM. The pro boys are cheaper than rent and they don't keep charging unless you keep ordering. Pick a new man and get a bank statement or last two pay stubs on the first date. Bring yours also and save both of you a lot of time!
 
Dear Cycle Sluts, Last year while having Valentines dinner out, my partner dumped me! We got back together but the relationship has been rocky. I'm afraid that he might do it to me again this year! Do you think I should beat him to the punch and dump him first?
Signed: "Vengeful Valentine"
 
Winnie: Hell Ya gurl! Kick his ass to the curb!  
Marion: Poodle, I think you should punch him and then take a dump on him. Those who deal shit, receive shit!
 Zoey:  Did he dump you before the main course or did he wait until dessert? That could be important.
Sassy: Sweetie, it’s not about who dumps who first! It’s about who leaves the relationship with the most expensive jewelry!
Molotovia: OMG are you all gluttons for punishment. Once they are EX’s that means they are past. I can't even watch a rerun on TV much less revisit a bad relationship.
Sharon: Yes, but wait till he buys you something nice first.  Valentine ’s Day is the perfect day for a new pearl necklace.  Better yet, dump him right before he gives you the pearl necklace and leave him with blue balls!
 
Dear Cycle Sluts, I'd like to know which you like better, a sweet passionate night of "making love" or a meaningless night of filthy kinky "animal sex”?
Signed, "Love or Lust"
 
Sassy: I don’t understand! Are you trying to tell me they’re not the same thing? They are when I do it!
Marion:Loverboy, sign me up for a meaningless night of filthy, kinky, "animal sex" for each night of the week! But don't expect breakfast...and this ain't "Cheers" - I don't want to know your name.
Zoey: I prefer making love with a complete stranger behind the dumpster. It's so romantic. Filthy, Kinky animal sex is like seeing Sassy in leather.  
Molotovia:  You need to come over to my house and show me what you mean by "love" and "kinky" Once I have been satisfied then I’ll let you know.
Sharon: Please gurl.  I don't think I've ever "made love", it just sounds so boring.  I'm all up for a 30 second romp in a bathroom and never having to see or speak to that person again.  Just be careful where you do it because I hear the door dude at the “W” gets all up in your biz if you do it there! 
Winnie: Oh Lord, like you have to ask. Hell, let’s go for a full weekend of kinky animal sex. But let me change the shocks on the ole Winnie Bego first!  
 
We hope we’ve been informative and entertaining, but that’s all we have time for.  Check us out in the next issue of The Gayzette and keep those questions coming to: The Denver Cycle Sluts (Ask-a-Slut).


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